There's something about crossroads that I seem to love but never quite understand. I find my solace in the chaos. in the confusion, in not knowing where to go. Once again I managed to land up at the crossroad where two roads point in two completely opposite directions; one says friendship and the other says love and I don't want to trod on either of them.
And then one fine day fate decided to bump me into this person who just happened to be in the same place at the same time as I was. It's been over 6 months now that we've been stuck in time and I don't understand why he hasn't left yet. He doesn't mind sitting here as long as I am right next to him, he doesn't mind me asking for a little more time every time he asks if I have decided which way I want to go, he doesn't mind handling all my whims and tantrum parades...he doesn't mind anything for that matter as long as our hands are entwined together and that is something which freaks me out.
As we sit under the sky, as I appreciate the blanket of stars and he tells me that he finds my broken front tooth very cute. I look at him and ask almost in a whisper, "Why won't you leave me?" He was befuddled or startled by my question because he stopped talking and looked at me with a toothy grin and pouted lips and whispered back in his resonant voice, "Maybe you're worth the wait." I chortled a bit and said in the nicest possible way I could manage, "Or maybe you're too blind to see what the truth is." He wanted to interrupt me but I continued, "No, let me finish. You've got to understand this; I might keep asking for a little more time every single time you ask me for an answer, it's gonna be the same it was 6 months ago; the crossroad where we met - I wasn't there by choice, I could never give a name to what we were and somehow that place started to feel like home." I realized that I was crying when I felt his hand on my cheeks and that annoyed me so I thwarted his hand and shrieked, "Are you even listening to me?" He took a moment to answer which meant he was formulating what he wants to say in a manner that won't hurt me. He doesn't look at me when he asks, "Why did you ask me to stay then if you wanted me to leave so badly?" This was the question I was dreading when I started the conversation and even though I didn't know what I was going to say; I do now, "Because...you brought a tiny ray of hope, that maybe my life won't be a labyrinth of crossroads and questions to which I don't have the answers. But then you're too good to be true, you're like the people I've read about in novels - the ones I always wished to end up with. You made me realize that unconditional love does exist, you took me to a grey cloud which was beyond this world of black and white, you don't talk much when I want you to listen to me and you go on and on when I am not in the mood to speak much. How do you manage to have the perfect answers to all my weird questions? Why is it that when I hug you I can hear the cadence of your heartbeat and still feel like something is missing?" he was listening to me intently but his expressions were unreadable. I went on,"Remember that time when we had gone to the crossword and you picked up the exact same books as I did and I teased you of knowing telepathy? And the other day when I was crying over spilled milk on my copy of Harry Potter and you got me a new one?" He was surprised to know that I remember these little things, "Yeah, I do notice sweetheart and that's the problem. You're perfect and I would've fallen for you had we not met the way we met or at the place we met.It's the timing that's wrong, not you, for I am already hopelessly in love with him and it doesn't matter what you do or how you look; there's just one flaw in your infallible persona grata - you're not him."
A surge of relief passed through my body, like a heavy weight was lifted off me. I was pretty sure that he would get up and walk away after listening to my extempore speech but he did no such thing. Instead, he planted a kiss on my cheek and murmured in my ears, "I've known this since the day I met you." I looked at him with wide eyes and utter bewilderment when he decided to clear my head, "Why don't you understand such a simple thing - I fell for you in spite of the way we met and at the place we met. I know that you can never love me the way you love him and that's okay. What's not alright is you not letting people beyond the fortress you've managed to build and now you're scared because I managed to sneak in. I will leave if you want me to - right now, just say the word and I won't bother you again." I didn't know what I wanted, not anymore. He knew all this time and yet he chose to stay and one glance at him tells me that the reason is not important. He takes my hand in his and speaks in such a soft voice it melts my heart,"It's okay not to love anyone else as you love him but don't you think it's a bit harsh not to fall in love ever again?" and he winks.
Maybe he's right or maybe he's not. It doesn't seem to bother me the way it was before. I found my solace in the crossroads; maybe he found his solace in me and I wouldn't be so selfish as to take that away. So, we sit there, our hands entwined, my head resting on his shoulder as he asks me teasingly, "Have you decided which way to go yet?" I chuckle before saying, "Maybe I need a little more time." He tousles my hair and speaks in a hushed voice in my ears,"My time is yours now, take all you need."
And then one fine day fate decided to bump me into this person who just happened to be in the same place at the same time as I was. It's been over 6 months now that we've been stuck in time and I don't understand why he hasn't left yet. He doesn't mind sitting here as long as I am right next to him, he doesn't mind me asking for a little more time every time he asks if I have decided which way I want to go, he doesn't mind handling all my whims and tantrum parades...he doesn't mind anything for that matter as long as our hands are entwined together and that is something which freaks me out.
As we sit under the sky, as I appreciate the blanket of stars and he tells me that he finds my broken front tooth very cute. I look at him and ask almost in a whisper, "Why won't you leave me?" He was befuddled or startled by my question because he stopped talking and looked at me with a toothy grin and pouted lips and whispered back in his resonant voice, "Maybe you're worth the wait." I chortled a bit and said in the nicest possible way I could manage, "Or maybe you're too blind to see what the truth is." He wanted to interrupt me but I continued, "No, let me finish. You've got to understand this; I might keep asking for a little more time every single time you ask me for an answer, it's gonna be the same it was 6 months ago; the crossroad where we met - I wasn't there by choice, I could never give a name to what we were and somehow that place started to feel like home." I realized that I was crying when I felt his hand on my cheeks and that annoyed me so I thwarted his hand and shrieked, "Are you even listening to me?" He took a moment to answer which meant he was formulating what he wants to say in a manner that won't hurt me. He doesn't look at me when he asks, "Why did you ask me to stay then if you wanted me to leave so badly?" This was the question I was dreading when I started the conversation and even though I didn't know what I was going to say; I do now, "Because...you brought a tiny ray of hope, that maybe my life won't be a labyrinth of crossroads and questions to which I don't have the answers. But then you're too good to be true, you're like the people I've read about in novels - the ones I always wished to end up with. You made me realize that unconditional love does exist, you took me to a grey cloud which was beyond this world of black and white, you don't talk much when I want you to listen to me and you go on and on when I am not in the mood to speak much. How do you manage to have the perfect answers to all my weird questions? Why is it that when I hug you I can hear the cadence of your heartbeat and still feel like something is missing?" he was listening to me intently but his expressions were unreadable. I went on,"Remember that time when we had gone to the crossword and you picked up the exact same books as I did and I teased you of knowing telepathy? And the other day when I was crying over spilled milk on my copy of Harry Potter and you got me a new one?" He was surprised to know that I remember these little things, "Yeah, I do notice sweetheart and that's the problem. You're perfect and I would've fallen for you had we not met the way we met or at the place we met.It's the timing that's wrong, not you, for I am already hopelessly in love with him and it doesn't matter what you do or how you look; there's just one flaw in your infallible persona grata - you're not him."
A surge of relief passed through my body, like a heavy weight was lifted off me. I was pretty sure that he would get up and walk away after listening to my extempore speech but he did no such thing. Instead, he planted a kiss on my cheek and murmured in my ears, "I've known this since the day I met you." I looked at him with wide eyes and utter bewilderment when he decided to clear my head, "Why don't you understand such a simple thing - I fell for you in spite of the way we met and at the place we met. I know that you can never love me the way you love him and that's okay. What's not alright is you not letting people beyond the fortress you've managed to build and now you're scared because I managed to sneak in. I will leave if you want me to - right now, just say the word and I won't bother you again." I didn't know what I wanted, not anymore. He knew all this time and yet he chose to stay and one glance at him tells me that the reason is not important. He takes my hand in his and speaks in such a soft voice it melts my heart,"It's okay not to love anyone else as you love him but don't you think it's a bit harsh not to fall in love ever again?" and he winks.
Maybe he's right or maybe he's not. It doesn't seem to bother me the way it was before. I found my solace in the crossroads; maybe he found his solace in me and I wouldn't be so selfish as to take that away. So, we sit there, our hands entwined, my head resting on his shoulder as he asks me teasingly, "Have you decided which way to go yet?" I chuckle before saying, "Maybe I need a little more time." He tousles my hair and speaks in a hushed voice in my ears,"My time is yours now, take all you need."
