2/23/2016

Her irreplaceable and angelic constants..

She was walking around in her study, going through her books and thinking of what to read next when her eyes fell on her favorite one, the book they had gifted to her on her 21st birthday. She glanced at the wall clock and realized that it was just an hour before she would enter into the 25th year of her messy yet beautiful life. She inhaled the sweet scent of the pages, she had always loved to do that, and opened the book. The title page had his writing, "True friends are never apart, maybe in distance - but not in heart." Maybe her younger version would have found it as a bit of an overstatement, she was not the one to believe in eternities and forever, however that changed. Of the gazillion things that had changed in her life, some for the better and some for the worse, the two of them had been her only constants, the people who had stood by her side as solid as a rock on all the dull and bright days, the people who taught her the meaning of friendship, the people who came into her life unknowingly and became an integral part of it...

All the moments they had spent together were dancing in front of her eyes and her laugh echoed in the study, a childish laugh and it was as if the books were all laughing along with her. If it was possible to love someone and hate them at the same time, they were the first people on that list. They were the nicest friends one could ever dream of having but also the biggest jerks she had ever met. The people who couldn't help but get on her nerves at times and wouldn't stop until she would cry, a thing which somehow they found funny. They had the audacity to reply with a "K" when she was furious and threatened not to talk to them, forever. Yes, she was a bit of a drama queen that ways, stretching issues that had no base, getting mad at stuff which no one could help and screaming like a banshee for no apparent reason. People had to be very patient to be with her, she tended to be difficult at times but somehow it had never been a problem for the two of them. Days of not talking to each other and a plain old "Wassup" would get the wheel rolling. Words like 'awkwardness', 'complicated', 'weird' didn't exist for them, they were one of a kind. Every girl wishes for a perfect boyfriend who would pamper her like they say in the novels and here she was, wishing that the two of her best friends would be with her till the world ends. She remembered all the times when she wanted to meet but they couldn't because of something or the other and she would be breathing fire but they won't even care to apologize. Standing there in the middle of the room, she couldn't help but smile like an idiot, for being so unreasonable most of the times. Endless talks about Sherlock and FRIENDS and Dexter and Breaking Bad & countless hours of studying together which involved less of studying and more of chitter chatter & countless arguments...God, how she missed them and wanted to go out on a drive at this hour of the night!!!

One present, Four lines and a door was opened to the lane to which she didn't see an end. If it hadn't been for their phone call, she wouldn't have realized that she had turned 25. "Happy Birthday...!!", they screamed but she was so overwhelmed that she was a minute late in responding. "You were crying,weren't you??", they asked together. "I was so not", she retaliated and this was the perfect beginning of her birthday, for in her ever changing life with lil bit of ups and quite a few downs, they were her only irreplaceable and angelic constants...
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2/04/2016

Dreams don't scare us, fear of the unknown does...

Dear Diary,
                   Do all people have those massive dreams that scare the hell out of them or is it just me??
Some days I feel like my head is going to explode just by thinking about this stuff and then I feel like isolating myself from everyone and everything and take off somewhere and take a break from this freakishly competitive world. It's probably not the dream that shakes the ground under my feet but the fear of failing, the fear of the unknown. There is a sea out there, where I am thinking of taking my tiny lil boat, what if the boat is unable to handle the tides, what if it doesn't reach the shore or worse what if I don't have it in me to take it in the water. I have never been so unsure in my entire life as I am now with so many images popping up in my head, why couldn't things be simpler like when we were kids, when the only thing we had to worry about was the homework to be submitted the next day. We don't realize we have grown up until it's time to step in the real world, the world where you need to be fast to survive, the world where you lose the race if you pause for a moment or at least that's what has been taught to us. However, I ponder over this sometimes, what if we don't want to go at the pace of this stereotypical world but set our own pace. You see the ladder which you need to climb to reach up to your dream but it's gonna take a lil more time, how is it so wrong to take off a bit of your own time to do what you wish to ??

There was a time when I used to get lost in my own thoughts, lil did I know that there would come a time when these thoughts would refuse to stay at bay. This is the reason that I obsess over the word Pandemonium, I just wish it would be more beautiful.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope that all the stuff that I dream about like going off on a tour of the European continent and owning my own tiny apartments in a lot many cities so I can take off whenever I feel like and owning a turquoise blue vintage car even though I know I am never gonna learn driving and making my dad so proud that he would boast about having me as a daughter, well, he still does that sometimes but I wish for it anyway... I don't dream of a picture perfect life, perfect is way too overrated, perfect is monotonous, I just want a life that is a result of my choices, it doesn't matter whether they are good or bad as long as they are mine...

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Putting the diary in her lap, she looked up at the sky, admiring the view of the setting sun from her patio. She couldn't help but feel a lil silly at the thoughts of her 20-year-old self. Life had taught her a lot many things, some came to her the easier way and for some she had to give up her sleep, however, the most important thing that she had learnt was that time and life both had a pretty funny way of working which was beyond our understanding. She was living a life she had always dreamt of, in her pretty lil apartment with the vintage car parked in her garage and the fact that she could drive it was the icing on the cake..It was getting dark so she figured it was best to get inside, she switched on the lights after stepping into the apartment, the walls of which had quotes written all over them, her favorite one being, "Ten years from now make sure you can say that you chose your life, you didn't settle for it" and the reason for it being her favorite was standing right in front of her eyes..
She had chosen her life when she could have easily settled...

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