The guy who taught me to trust Maybes

Yes? No? Maybe? - whenever these words crowd my brain, I know that I am in need of a break. I am not exactly the kind of person who would pack their bags and run away to some place because they need solitude. However, I love taking long strolls and take turns without thinking where the road would lead. It was during one such nighttime stroll that I came across the house. I call it 'the house' ever since and it's become my go-to place. It seemed that the house was abandoned but for some reason I pushed the gate and went to check if the door was locked and to my surprise, it wasn't. Abandoned places don't have furniture so it was silly of me to assume that it would be a fully furnished place but I can't deny that I was a teeny bit disappointed to see the empty hall. Nonetheless, I climbed the flight of stairs and they led me to the terrace. Sitting on the edge of the terrace with the breeze playing with my hair, I looked at the winter sky and realized that I can sit there till the sun comes up. As much as I wanted to stay, I knew I needed to get back home, so I got up and made a mental note of visiting the house often.

It was not long before I had memorized the turns that would lead me to the house. One evening while running a personal errand I decided to take a quick detour to sit on the edge of the terrace. I had been in such a hurry that I did not notice the door was ajar but it's a bit difficult to not notice a six feet person standing in the exact same spot you are used to sitting. I was about to leave when he interrupted me, "I don't mind if you want to stay." I looked at him and he passed me a smile that reached his eyes which were painfully blue. I took a few steps forward and sat next to him. He must have been a year or two older than me but that didn't stop me from stealing a quick glance at him, for he was invariably the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I know guys aren't supposed to be beautiful but he was. "Do you come here often," he asks after having caught me staring at him. I blush and somehow manage to get out the words without fumbling, "Yes. Not everyday. But I do come here a lot. It feels nice. I don't know why the people who lived here abandoned it." He laughs a boyish laugh and I think I missed some joke but he explains, "The people who abandoned this place are my parents. This was my favorite place but sadly we are selling it. I liked it here too; serene, isolated, away from the mundane world works for me." I don't know what made my stomach lurch - the sadness with which he described the place or the fact that I won't be able to visit. 

He seemed to have read my thoughts, for he changed the topic and asked, "Any particular reason for coming here?" I was startled by his question and also annoyed at him for breaking my chain of thoughts. He raises one eyebrow when I don't answer and my cheeks choose that moment to turn crimson which amuses him. "Sometimes, I need a break when my thoughts become to much to handle. Where am I heading? What if I fall? What if I reach a dead end?", I shiver. He folds his legs and turns to face me; I blurt without thinking, "You are wearing bunny socks. They're too cute for a guy." He grins, "I would take that as a compliment. Thank you very much." I thought he was done but he adds, "You know that's the problem, you come here because you need a break. You'd find another go-to place when some family comes to live here." I was about to get up and leave because I don't like when people tell me what not to do. I really think he could read minds because the next moment he said, " And you just judged me for acting like a know-it-all, didn't you?" He laughs his boyish laugh again and I change my mind. "You don't talk much, do you?" I look up to him and say with a teasing smile, "You don't allow anyone to speak. And I am sure you read those lines in some book. Everyone needs a break." He shrugs, "Of course they do. But not from their own thoughts. I take breaks when I am tired of hearing the mundane dos and don'ts of this hypocritical world. I don't understand what's wrong with a guy wearing blue bunny socks." I grin and was about to apologize but he cuts me off, "Or what's the big deal in taking the wrong turns and reach a dead end, you could always turn around." I look away from his face towards the swaying trees, "Words are easy to come by. Each dead end you hit has a consequence and I don't think I am ready to face it." He tousles my hair and my I am pretty sure he heard the thud of my heart; however, he continues with a grin, "This is the time to make mistakes and hit dead ends so that when you're 40 you'd know which road to take. Don't listen to someone just because they have been here longer, they might have a different perception and it's not mandatory for you to have the same." 

I could have listened to him talk forever, such was his charm. All of a sudden the moon reminds me that this was supposed to be a quick detour and I get up with a start, "I really have to go. It was nice talking to you." He plants a kiss on my cheek and this time my cheeks turn a ridiculous shade of pink to which he laughs again and says, "It will be around a year before my parents actually sell this place. This can be your go-to place until then or maybe you could start looking for some other abandoned house." I go to the house everyday in the hope that he might be there but he hasn't visited since that day. That evening and his perfect appearance are the only memories I have of him. You'd think it was stupid of me to forget asking for his number but the way I see it, this one memory is enough to last for a lifetime and who knows I might find him standing on the edge of the terrace of some other go-to place I find. 

It's like he knew I would come searching for him the next day because he had tucked a note under a piece of wood. I opened the note and it read, "When confused between Yes/No, I'd go for Maybe any day because that way I have half a chance of not hitting a dead end."

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Answers.

The thing about answers that amuses me is the fact that not having them annoys us so much that we'd rather come up with some chimerical version of the same than admitting a simple statement "I don't know". In your defense, it's the way things have been ever since we started growing up. We're accustomed to be in our comfort zone; we'd go in state of turmoil even if our pinky toe crosses the border.

When my brother was little, he loved hiding in the closet, waiting for me to find him and I played along in the beginning. A couple of days later however, I stopped looking and soon enough he got tired of waiting, making me switch to some other game. Funny, isn't it? The way toddlers' mind works and the way they can jump from one thing to other without making any fuss. A few years pass and the same toddlers are attacked with never ending questions. "So, what next?" or "When will you act like a grown up?" or "Don't you think it's time to think about your marriage?" or "Ever wondered why you're not girly?" - we're constantly surrounded by these. As if this wasn't enough we develop the habit of self-interrogation. "Does he love me?", "What if I don't make it through this semester?", "Will I ever fall in love?" and the list goes on. 

Of all the complexities existing in this universe, what befuddles me is this tendency of having everything sorted, of not being okay with uncertainty, of not having a bit of patience so that things fall into perspective, of not being that toddler who knew how to move on. Do something because you want to, without any reasons, ignoring all the what ifs and maybes because they're there to stay, now and forever. People will frown upon some of these but trust me, there's only so much one can frown; they're bound to give up.

The way I see it, it's quite simple. Maybe everything would fall into perspective if you stop trying too hard and maybe the answers would grow tired of hiding in the closet if you stop looking for them.

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How would your story begin ?

Of all the things that seem weird to me, friendship tops the list. It's the most beautiful and confusing feeling I've ever experienced and I realized that when I traced my steps back in time. 6 years, if I'd have to guess. School friends are the best I've heard and I couldn't agree more. I am not very good when it comes to talking to people or making friends. However, the stars desperately wanted us to talk to each other that day I guess.

So here's how it all started. I won't be starting my so called narrative with the cliched 'One fine day'.

The one thing I had noticed about students who had opted for Biology was that they didn't believe in the concept of no class or games or relaxing and she was no different. A pretty girl, who might seem shy to you at first glance, who had pinned her black baby clips not to her hair but to the sleeves of her school uniform and had a black rubber band wrapped around two of her middle fingers, had her nose immersed in the book in hand. I don't know why but I decided to go and sit beside her. She looked up from her book and said 'Hi' with such a welcoming smile that anybody would be a fool not to smile back. The two letter word got the ball rolling and we started talking and somewhere deep down we both knew that this was the beginning of a new journey.

It's been roughly 6 years since that particular day and I am glad to say that the pretty girl who seemed shy to me is what one would call the opposite of shy. You meet a lot of people as you grow up and I am not the sort of person who lets anybody and everybody knock on their door, let alone invite them inside. People may mistake it for rudeness, but she did not. What's surprising is she didn't even have to knock, she managed to sneak in somehow and find a cozy little spot for her.

I can probably go on forever babbling about why I think we clicked the moment we met. But I'd give the majority of the credit to coffee and novels. Of course there are tons of other little things that managed to tug the strings of our heart.Unicorns and Pandas and Bunnies and Dolphins are few of the many quirky likes we share. People would say we're crazy, I wouldn't go so far though; I'd say we dance to the same tune. Knowing me and being friends with me and sticking around with me through thick & thin are three different circles and she fits perfectly in the part where the three of them intersect. She might not understand half the stuff I babble most of the times but I'll still call her when I want to vent out whatever's been bothering me. And it's a two way street. We don't agree on a lot of matters but we have never had the time to look too deep into it. There's not a single quality about her that I'd like to be any different than it is now, especially the ones that annoy me. I guess she'd say the same about me.There are times when we don't get to talk to each other for a couple of days and it's really annoying but there's nothing we can do to help it. That comes with the growing up package.

"Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.Delicious Ambiguity." - this is something I read today and I relate this to us. We are like the poem that rhymes for a while but then looses track somewhere in the middle and there are no rhyming words. We're like the parts of the story which not everyone would understand and even if they do it would probably seem to them that the parts are not in order.

 All things said and done, if I am given a blank new book and asked how my story would begin, I'd always go and sit beside the pretty girl who had clipped the black baby clips not to her hair but to the sleeves of her uniform, over and over again.

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22 crumpled whites.

Have you ever nibbled at the tip of your pencil?
Scribbling something on the white sheet of paper,
And then rolling it in a ball and tossing it on the floor because it was too facile.
Her room was filled with crumpled balls of whites,
She had been tossing them around since dawn,
Losing count after crumpling the 21st paper, she was now playing with her fairy lights.
Sanguine this moment and gloomy the next;
She was pretty much used to incoherence in her thoughts,
Ruminating over all of them at once however, was putting her patience at test.
Of the 20 papers, all of them hurled at the feet of her bed;
One of them was an attempt to put a date into words,
And another was to thank him for the message for it was the sweetest thing one could have said.
She vaguely remembered having written a few words about her mother;
And about her new friend, for whom writing was a reflex,
And probably about the trees, wanting to play with her as she sat in her balcony, admiring the weather.
About to heave the 22nd paper ball over her head;
She noticed something very strange had happened,
The 21 pieces of waste were no longer spread all over but curled up in a corner of her room instead.
It was as if they were talking to each other;
Leaning a bit closer she heard the colons and braces coming together,
They were celebrating something – it didn’t require a great insight to know that they were mocking her.
The letters coalesced into sentences long and short;
“Writer’s block maybe,” one of them read,
She added the 22nd guest to their little party with such a force that it caused their little parody to abort.
A few things were set into perspective now, while a few were not;
The black of her pencil flowed across the sheet so white,
The 23rd guest wasn’t invited to the 22’s merriment – probably because it had less of semicolons and more of dots.

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An e-mail to say Hi.

In this world of instant messages and video calls, when's the last time you wrote a letter to someone you love? Okay let's not take this so far as a letter, think about the last time you opened your e-mail, clicked on 'Compose' and drafted a mail just to let the other person know that you miss them or you'd really like if they were sitting next to you and probably sipping coffee and not be 82493 miles away. Thinking really hard, aren't you? I can relate; even I don't write letters to real people anyway. I have many addressed to my imaginary person but I can't post them till I find him so I guess we're sailing in the same boat.

I do believe that letters have their own charm though; you know that you'll probably have to wait for days before they receive your letter and then some more till you get their response back. I find the wait worth it because clearly the person is important enough that I put my indolence aside for a while. Now, I didn't actually write a letter but I picked up my laptop and started drafting a mail at 12:40 a.m. and by the time I hit send, I had a huge smile on my face. So here it is:

To : thegirlwholived@potterhead.com
Subject : Just saying Hi.

Hey you,

I am not going to ask how you are doing or say I hope I find you in good health because that's just too banal. However, what I am going to say is that I'll be receiving my Hogwarts Acceptance Letter anytime soon and it's gonna be addressed to Ms. S. Felton - that's me. You can stop laughing now because I am not kidding. I don't have any particular reason to write to you except the one - I wanted to. The clock is glaring at me and asking me to go to sleep and my books are urging me to study; I chose to ignore both of them because I'd prefer writing to you over studying or sleeping any day. I now understand what people meant when they said - "Distance sucks." I'd like to add 'big time' to that. The stupid time zones are even worse; and apparently Sherlock couldn't have been more incorrect on this one - "So we go 'round the Sun. If we went 'round the moon or round and round the garden like a teddy bear it wouldn't make any difference." That's clearly not the case because it did make a difference of 9 hours and 30 minutes to me. Anyway, I've gotten used to it by now I guess.

That being said, I am never gonna get used to the fact that you don't live 5 minutes away and I can't just hop on my scooty and be there at 8 in the evening and ask you to come with me to have pani puri. I am never gonna get used to the fact that I cannot pick up my cell phone and dial your number without checking the time. I am never gonna get used to the fact that there is not gonna be a tiny person defending me when my mom is shouting that I got up at 12 in the noon, even on New Year's. I am never gonna get used to the fact that there isn't a single person who, in their right mind, would go to all the movies I want to watch. I admit it wasn't fair but you couldn't deny and you know it. I am never gonna get used to the fact that I can't ask you to make garlic bread n cheese or get me a chocolate because I am too depressed to get out of bed and do that all by myself.

I know you're probably crying by now but stop okay - it's not like we don't talk!! It's out of boredom that I wrote to you; I stated this so that you don't mistake this for love or nostalgia or anything of the sort. You just said - "she's impossible", didn't you? And once you're done reading this mail over and over again, you can tell me about all the commas and semicolons I missed because I am putting this up on my blog and I am not in the mood to proofread. Also, I might send you an actual letter the next time. Yes, I'll send it in a really cute envelope and not the boring ones and yes, I'll use floral baby pink paper which smells nice.

P.S. I am attaching a song which you love a lot. So stop smiling and crying at the same time and stop thanking god for dropping me in your life and enjoy the song with some hot chocolate.

Love always,
Me.

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Crossroads

There's something about crossroads that I seem to love but never quite understand. I find my solace in the chaos. in the confusion, in not knowing where to go. Once again I managed to land up at the crossroad where two roads point in two completely opposite directions; one says friendship and the other says love and I don't want to trod on either of them.

And then one fine day fate decided to bump me into this person who just happened to be in the same place at the same time as I was. It's been over 6 months now that we've been stuck in time and I don't understand why he hasn't left yet. He doesn't mind sitting here as long as I am right next to him, he doesn't mind me asking for a little more time every time he asks if I have decided which way I want to go, he doesn't mind handling all my whims and tantrum parades...he doesn't mind anything for that matter as long as our hands are entwined together and that is something which freaks me out.

As we sit under the sky, as I appreciate the blanket of stars and he tells me that he finds my broken front tooth very cute. I look at him and ask almost in a whisper, "Why won't you leave me?" He was befuddled or startled by my question because he stopped talking and looked at me with a toothy grin and pouted lips and whispered back in his resonant voice, "Maybe you're worth the wait." I chortled a bit and said in the nicest possible way I could manage, "Or maybe you're too blind to see what the truth is." He wanted to interrupt me but I continued, "No, let me finish. You've got to understand this; I might keep asking for a little more time every single time you ask me for an answer, it's gonna be the same it was 6 months ago; the crossroad where we met - I wasn't there by choice, I could never give a name to what we were and somehow that place started to feel like home." I realized that I was crying when I felt his hand on my cheeks and that annoyed me so I thwarted his hand and shrieked, "Are you even listening to me?" He took a moment to answer which meant he was formulating what he wants to say in a manner that won't hurt me. He doesn't look at me when he asks, "Why did you ask me to stay then if you wanted me to leave so badly?" This was the question I was dreading when I started the conversation and even though I didn't know what I was going to say; I do now, "Because...you brought a tiny ray of hope, that maybe my life won't be a labyrinth of crossroads and questions to which I don't have the answers. But then you're too good to be true, you're like the people I've read about in novels - the ones I always wished to end up with. You made me realize that unconditional love does exist, you took me to a grey cloud which was beyond this world of black and white, you don't talk much when I want you to listen to me and you go on and on when I am not in the mood to speak much. How do you manage to have the perfect answers to all my weird questions? Why is it that when I hug you I can hear the cadence of your heartbeat and still feel like something is missing?" he was listening to me intently but his expressions were unreadable. I went on,"Remember that time when we had gone to the crossword and you picked up the exact same books as I did and I teased you of knowing telepathy? And the other day when I was crying over spilled milk on my copy of Harry Potter and you got me a new one?" He was surprised to know that I remember these little things, "Yeah, I do notice sweetheart and that's the problem. You're perfect and I would've fallen for you had we not met the way we met or at the place we met.It's the timing that's wrong, not you, for I am already hopelessly in love with him and it doesn't matter what you do or how you look; there's just one flaw in your infallible persona grata - you're not him."

A surge of relief passed through my body, like a heavy weight was lifted off me. I was pretty sure that he would get up and walk away after listening to my extempore speech but he did no such thing. Instead, he planted a kiss on my cheek and murmured in my ears, "I've known this since the day I met you." I looked at him with wide eyes and utter bewilderment when he decided to clear my head, "Why don't you understand such a simple thing - I fell for you in spite of the way we met and at the place we met. I know that you can never love me the way you love him and that's okay. What's not alright is you not letting people beyond the fortress you've managed to build and now you're scared because I managed to sneak in. I will leave if you want me to - right now, just say the word and I won't bother you again." I didn't know what I wanted, not anymore. He knew all this time and yet he chose to stay and one glance at him tells me that the reason is not important. He takes my hand in his and speaks in such a soft voice it melts my heart,"It's okay not to love anyone else as you love him but don't you think it's a bit harsh not to fall in love ever again?" and he winks.

Maybe he's right or maybe he's not. It doesn't seem to bother me the way it was before. I found my solace in the crossroads; maybe he found his solace in me and I wouldn't be so selfish as to take that away. So, we sit there, our hands entwined, my head resting on his shoulder as he asks me teasingly, "Have you decided which way to go yet?" I chuckle before saying, "Maybe I need a little more time." He tousles my hair and speaks in a hushed voice in my ears,"My time is yours now, take all you need."

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A Thank You Note

It really befuddles me when a person says, "Describe yourself in one word." or "Do you like socializing a lot?" or "How would you describe your relation with so and so person" because I have never been able to figure out how to say - "Okay, no offence but I am not a very people friendly person", without offending them. So whenever there's a lot going on my mind, I choose to either read something or write a new post. Today, I chose the latter one. To those of you who don't know, it's really bad when you have a perfectly good thought but no words to express them...You know what's worse?..Having so many words frolicking around but you fail to put them in a manner which doesn't sound too incoherent and you end up staring at the screen for so long that it seems like eternity.

*staring at the monitor and typing sentences and realizing that they don't make any sense, so deleting them eventually*

Do you remember the 1st day of your school? It might be a bit nebulous but you must still remember it in bits and pieces. The not seeing your mom for 5 hours part sure was scary; however it wasn't that much of an issue for me because I had her. She has been a part of my life since the time when I didn't even understand what our bond meant; I called her 'Di' because my mom said so; she loved me like an elder sister when we couldn't even spell 'sister'. 

You must be thinking how did I jump from me not being a people friendly person to my sister loving me like she does. Well, she is one of the few people who knows how I am and doesn't mistake it for rudeness. She knows that if I don't like a certain person it just means that I don't like that person for no apparent reason and not that I am some kind of freak who doesn't befriend anyone. She understands the fact that I don't like to share my chocolate thick-shake; I am not saying she's very supportive about the same but she understands. She's the person I call in the middle of the night with teary eyes and a choked throat because I got all my reading comprehensions wrong. She's the person who shared all the first times with me; we used to do almost everything together - we got our first cursive writing book together, we got our first bikes on the same day, at the same time, we learnt how to drive a two wheeler together - she taught me how ridiculous it is to drive at the speed of 20 kmph, we even came up with our first lie together and the after effects were horrible but the experience was salutary.

She's the person who introduced me to the world of novels and of Harry Potter. I will never forget the times when we used to make paper wands and mimic scenes from the movie; she always got to be Harry and I never seemed to have any problem with that (though now I wonder why). She taught me that it's completely okay to be a weirdo and to look at stars as long as they make you happy. She knows when something is bugging me and she might be dying to ask - "What" but she doesn't; the only reason being I don't like it. We'd probably have a chocolate, make some sandwiches and I'll be fine. 

Sometimes, we take so much for granted that we realize its worth when the things we took for granted are going to change. This would be my thank you note to her, for being the coolest and sassiest sister I could have wished for, for understanding all of my unintelligible words which made no sense to me, for being the perfect amalgam of Dumbledore and Harry.

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How do you like your coffee?

Every person has that one wish that they want to come true some day. As it turns out she had a plethora of them and she kept making amendments to the wish-list every year. Her major was Computer Science but that wasn't going to hamper her dream to be a story teller; maybe, some day. She never had a clue as to what she would write or speak if given an opportunity; she always thought that she'll know somehow. Maybe the day they were walking around in the mall trying to figure out where to go and eat was the one when lady luck had decided to be in her favor. She wasn't the one normally looking out for eating spots, well mainly because they would do that for her but the name of the cafe was so catchy that she couldn't resist. The name read in very funky letters - "How do you like your coffee?" which was a bit too many words and there was a sign that read, "People who enjoy coffee and like to listen or be listened to are welcome." Now that was the place she had to go and drag them along with her; they like it or not, so off they went and grabbed the seats that were the farthest from the podium. They had agreed to go that particular place of all the other places only because of one sole reason - she had very credibly said, "Of course I am gonna go up there and speak." Little did she know that she would get such cold feet that she would refuse to leave her seat. However, things have a knack of working out when you least expect them to be; the music that had been playing changed to a song which wasn't in the billboard's top 10 but was one her favorites - "Stressed out by twenty one pilots." She took it as her cue and got up and went up to the stage and was grateful to who so ever decided that it would be nice if no one gave their introductions.


Of the million things she could have talked about, of the million things she wanted people to listen, she knew exactly what she was gonna say when her eyes locked with theirs. And so she began.

"To all the people who are expecting a story or a poem of some kind, I am sorry because I am gonna be a disappointment. I am not a writer or a poet, I don't know how to use infallible metaphors or similes or paradoxes that will leave you in awe. I am just an ordinary girl of 25, still figuring out what to do with her life and in the midst of all the uproar and vehemence of life decided to take a break to spend the day with the people who defined friendship for me. I like the music that you people are playing and the current song is one of our favorites. "Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days", yea I am not a singer either."

When the light laughter had conceded she went on,"I have known these people for over 8 years now and I still remember people saying - 'Life is gonna move on hon. Once you leave high school, you'll find new people and then after college yet more people to come.' As silly as it may sound now, this thought left me in a peculiar predicament; I didn't want new people unless they were clones of the existing ones. I won't deny the fact that I met new people but not all of them managed to stick around."

She took a small pause as if trying to put her incoherent thoughts into a proper order but failed so she ended up saying whatever came first to her mind,"It's always nice when we're kids but then life happens and we have to do something to survive; I just didn't understand why does it need to be described as an end of an era or something because it's not the end of anything. Do I wish to go back in time? Sure, I do; give me a time-turner and I'd probably be the happiest person on this planet - no hyperbole intended. I wish a lot many things, I wish we could spend every single day together without a worry under the sun, I wish none of us have to go to work ever and also I wish if we could get an ice cream truck or something but isn't that a bit too delusional?"

She could hear them laughing silently for delusional was probably what we were but she tried hard not to stop and continued instead,"People often ask me if I miss them and the only response I have is a terse 'no'. I am not pretending to be apathetic or anything but that is the truth, I don't miss them. Sure I miss the days we had together because they no longer exist. But these people do, they're still the same people they were 8 years ago, we figure out ways to take a day off the tedium that our life can be if it were not for each other, we don't let go of a single moment to pester each other and they still love food. And I know nothing has changed for I don't need to ask them if they listened to what I was babbling about. I am 100% sure that they were multitasking - listening to me and thinking in the back of their minds where to go next."

The coffee house erupted with a round of applause which she interrupted by saying, "Most people have their own version of the definition of life and friends and love. For me all these add up to them and never listen to any one who says things change as you grow up. Maybe certain things are supposed to - you can't be in the final year forever but not everything has to change." She added something which made them go back in time, "Well, if anyone's interested, I like my coffee not too strong, not too sweet and with a pinch of the secret ingredient." Amidst all the clapping hands she could see their faces laughing and smiling and happy; the song had changed and there was a new face sharing his story when they decided to go some place else.

Circling around a table,she was sipping the chocolate thick shake and they were hogging their burger, when she asked, "So, how was it?" to which they replied, "It was really nice" and went back to chit chatting about this and that. It was as if he was waiting to say, "Well, it was definitely an 8/10." She wanted to shoot him a death glare but somehow she couldn't contain her laughter and all of them burst out laughing so loud that she was sure a few people were staring but she didn't care; people didn't know the joke but they did.

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When Moment thought he was ephemeral.

Perched by the window, engrossed in a book, I was enjoying rain's euphony, 

A squeaky voice startled me: "Hi, I am Moment; you must be Memory."

Baffled and perplexed, I welcomed the stranger with a smile, 

He was the cutest kid I'd met, with an innocent face and eyes free from guile.

I was out of words but asked him to sit nevertheless, 

Picking up a stuffed animal before sitting - its hair he began to caress.

"You're ephemeral and long gone," to me people always say,

"Oh!" was all I could get out for I knew not whether to yay or to nay.

"You know, I was there when the coffee left a mark on his pants",

"Yes, I do," uttered my voice for I knew I was up for a very long rant.

"They have me to thank for all the crazy drives and heartfelt laughs,"

"But they do," I had to cut in, "they keep talking about it like they can't get enough."

He scoffed and went again, “I introduced them to the songs they enjoy, whether or not they’re feeling blue”

I tried my best to sound conciliatory but words didn’t favor me and I ended up shouting – “I don’t have a clue.”

Alas! He wasn't done; "Do they remember the 20 minutes on the bridge everyone calls broken?"

My good side was clearly exasperated, “The fact that you had to question, leaves me pretty shaken."

His tirade however wasn’t over for he went on – “I’ve seen their excited ‘Hi’ and the sad ‘good bye’,

And all of that does not matter; they will always come to you when they want to laugh or to cry.”

He was impervious to my exasperation and I, on the other hand, was impressed with his volubility,

“It’s just that I don’t want to be buried under the ‘remember whens’ but to be there till eternity.”

“Oh honey but it’s the other way around – they want to talk about you; they come looking for me,

And you have to make your peace with the fact that because you once were, I will always be.”

I guess I managed to placate him for he stood up from the window and took me in an embrace,

However, before I could hug him back, he had vanished into thin air leaving me in a total haze.

My sister knocked on my door and my trance was broken by her voice – “Who were you talking to?”

“Oh just a little kid who thought he was ephemeral,” I smiled, “I told him it was not true.”

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Minion

Dear Minion,

                     In retrospect, I realize that I used to think the only thing you and I have in common is the 19th letter of the alphabet and I admit I couldn't have been more wrong. To be very honest, you had always been an enigma to me and I had never thought we would ever talk. However, a loquacious person that I am, one message was all it took to get the ball rolling.

I tried jogging my memory but I don't remember how we bumped into each other in the first place; I am just glad that we did. "Finally someone who uses the word sitcom!!", you'd said and that was the moment when it hit me like a bolt of lightning; this is gonna be one fun ride for sure. Those talks which were always limited to either Harry Potter and F.R.I.E.N.D.S soon started to grow into much more. Also, calling us "Potterheads" would be an understatement.

It's astounding how we always manage to come up with the most horrendous stories one could ever read and then curse all the people on this planet who call it "dark". Come to think of it, how is the idea of a boyfriend murdering his girlfriend dark!! But we can only justify ourselves to so many people, right? And this is the reason I ask you if you find my stories weird or crazy or insane because the day when the words - "Ok, maybe this is too weird" - escape your mouth, I might have to reconsider it. We sure enjoy the days when we do nothing but talk about all the random stuff like how do we like our coffee or how I don't like going to college or how nice it would be if we studied at Hogwarts...You're one of the few people who knows that I believe that Harry Potter is real and still not find me crazy and I like that. Sometimes, the similarities between us make me wonder if we are clones of each other but then again we have these differences which bring me back on track - how could anyone not like Marvel though?!! (Not judging, just saying) I am not gonna mention all the similarities because that may go on for a while but the most important one is that you love coffee.

You have listened to me whenever I am being too voluble and you do manage to reply with the funniest minion stickers that crack me up, so you can give yourself some credit. I would like to thank you for existing and  I have a strong feeling that our journey on the Hogwarts express is a never ending one because if you'd be Harry then I'd be Luna.(Why always Harry and Hermione references, eh?)

Love always,
Me

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Was the birthday special or him??

Birthday - probably the most anticipated day of anyone's life but sometimes it so happens that we're anticipating a birthday even when the cake won't be having our name on it. After all, who doesn't like surprises?!!

"Let's plan his birthday," this is where it began. These four words were more than enough to send the three of us into the total event planner mode. It didn't matter that his birthday was still 15 days away, we had to start thinking, obviously. The mere prospect of seeing his face that would be showing no other expression but surprise and happiness and everything nice that you can imagine of would send the entire swarm of butterflies dancing in our stomach. Everything had to be perfect, flawless and all the other stuff which may be going on was secondary for a couple of days. The birthday bash took the highest priority. 

We could have easily bought everything from any xyz gift shop but where's the fun in that?!! The fun part was surfing YouTube videos trying to figure out what the lady in the phone is trying to say and then putting the phone aside and staring at the craft papers for a long while as if everything she just said would magically come true.(Of course that did not happen!!) All the craft lessons we took when we were toddlers came back to life; it was as if we were 8 again. But one has to start somewhere right and what better start than to go to someplace nice to eat; tummy wants what it wants and it's nearly impossible to get out of it when you've got big time foodies for your friends. The secret meets when we would meet to make the presents and I would say, "Screw the gifts, give him a call and ask him to join us" to which they would say, "Would you calm down crazy woman!!" Yeah, okay I may seem a bit dramatic at times...And it's so damn funny how hard we think when we have to reduce a sheet of 50 by 50 to the one which would measure 42 by 42!! What if our calculation isn't correct or do we have an extra sheet in the same color? Oh! we don't, so this has to be correct...All of our voices collide and wouldn't make any sense when we would decide to do it anyway. The scale fights, shouting at each other because us crazy retards are not used to taking orders from anyone and making paper pyramids on someone's head when they're working because that's swag...But when everything was done and dusted; it was one of the moments when we were super impressed with ourselves. Oh and did I mention the day we went shopping/eating?!! I guess not. It was supposed to be for the birthday boy but I don't recollect how did it turn into one for us. It was 30 minutes of shopping and 2 hours 45 minutes and 75 seconds of hogging food. Well, even we had to look good for his birthday, didn't we :P

(Also, to those who haven't watched the video of cheap thrills stop reading this for a while and watch it..Trust me, it's too damn cute. )

And we just know that all our efforts were worth it when he is rendered speechless for a moment when he opens everything. All that we had imagined - the smile on his face, the sense of satisfaction drawing on us; finally came true. We do let him have his moment but not for too long because well, admit it..food is important!! His birthday was so memorable that not even the moments we had in the car are blurred...All those fist fights and "unicorn's horn" which would make no sense to anyone but us and loud music blaring from the speakers and clicking pictures as if we were not going to meet ever..these things are etched in our brains, forever. 

I wanted time to stop, right there, in that very moment and probably not ask it to move ahead, ever but I have this really crazy, stupid and tall friend and he says, "If what you're wishing for was to be true, wouldn't all these moments lose their value?" and I hate it when he is right. However, while going through my photo gallery for I don't remember which time because I lost count, I did realize one thing - Maybe it's not the birthday that's so special as the person whose name we ask to put on the cake... 

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Love, R

The lake had always been our favorite place and the sunset our favorite time to be there. We never talked much when we were there, we never felt the need to do so; that was the beauty of the place. However, today was different. I couldn't find the peace in the still waters of the lake throwing the reflection of the sun; I looked at him and somehow I knew that his thoughts were just as haywire as mine. I threw a pebble in the water and he waited for the ripples to settle before doing the same.
"My pebble clearly won," he says and I pass him the faintest of smiles. "Oh would you cheer up a bit!! I would be gone just for a year and also you are the one always complaining about how you would be better off without me in your life," he says to tease me but instead of cheering up I hide my face in his arms and start sobbing. "Why do you have to go to Boston? Why couldn't they set you up for an internship here? Do you promise that we'd talk everyday?" the lump in my throat grew heavier so I couldn't ask the remaining million questions.

"Jeez, Kiara. It's just 365 days, you probably won't even miss me for 364 of them so would you stop crying already?!!" he laughed. "Yeah, sure Ridge.You would talk about all the crap in the world but wouldn't promise a tiny lil thing I am asking for," I shrieked. He held up his hands in defeat and laughed while saying, "Okay fine. I promise." and before I could get a peep out of my mouth he looked into my eyes and said, "No, this isn't like one of the times when I promise that I would pick you up and forget or the time when I promise to take you out for a movie but cancel it at the very last moment." This did manage to make me smile in the teeniest bit and that managed to make him smile.

"Are you guys dating? What's so special about him?" I never had answers to these questions nor would I ever have. I never felt that it was a necessity to give our bond a label. We were totally comfortable with what we were and whatever we were not. Everything was perfect but then life happened. I am not disappointed that he chose to leave, I would've done the same; I am just upset about all the times I would have to be here watching the sun as it sets all by myself and about all the times I would sit on the swing in my backyard and he won't be there to push me as I scream "higher" and about all the times when I would be in a crappy mood and he won't be there to crack the lamest jokes one could ever crack.

The sun had set and the water was now reflecting the stars. His flight would leave in the morning and no matter how much I stomped my foot he wasn't going to take me to the airport. "You have to come to receive me after a year," he said. He won't admit but he hated goodbyes. After sharing our last hug which lasted for what seemed to be forever, we walked back to our homes and I went straight to bed; too tired to talk to anyone.

As the sun rays lit my room the next morning, it took me a moment to realize that Ridge's flight had already departed. I didn't feel like getting up, it was just too much to handle. As I was about to close my eyes again I saw a note tucked under my pillow. I unfolded it and was perplexed, for it said,
       See you at our place, our time.
                                               Love,
                                               R.
I didn't have a single clue as to how he was gonna be at two places at once but the prospect of seeing him made me get out of my bed and get dressed. I was so frustrated that it was the sun who gets to decide when we meet that I took a novel and went to the lake. My heart raced as it was about time and my eyes searched frantically for him but all I could see was a tiny girl in blue shorts running towards me. She came to me, handed me a letter and left before I could ask her anything. I am pretty sure my heart did do a somersault as it recognized the scribbled writing on the parched piece of paper. I lay down on my back and crossed my legs and read,

Dear you,
        I knew you were not gonna get out of your bed and be in your pajamas and cry till your eyes turn all red and puffy. I also know how you like reading chits and letters and mails. And I did promise that we're gonna talk every single day. Look at the sun setting and the birds returning to their nests and the still water and listen to silence. Has anything changed? I guess not. I have moved to Boston, it's not like I have abandoned you. You'll still be the first person I call every time I break up or when I want to ask what color suits me better or how does my hair look. That's never gonna change. Also, the tiny girl who gave you this letter, she's a friend of mine. She doesn't talk much but she'll be there everyday at our place, our time."

Love,
R

I couldn't believe he did that for me. I kept reading the letter again and again and again till it started to get dark. That's when I decided to go home and do something which did not involve sleeping or worrying or crying.

He had never kept a single promise till this day but he did keep the one that mattered to me the most. The lake was still my favorite place and I loved the sunset even more because that's when the tiny girl would come everyday. He did call me once a week if he wasn't too busy and we would talk about anything and everything for a while but nothing in this entire universe made me so happy as lying down on the soft grass and reading his letters.

"365 letters, one for each day," he had scribbled at the bottom of each one of them.

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Normal is too mainstream...

It's been exactly 8 years, 4 months and 15 days since my eyes locked with his and he probably doesn't remember it but I still look at him the exact same way I did then.

I don't knock before entering his room, I am one of the few people who are allowed to do that and although I've been into his room so many times, it's still a lot to take in. The walls of his rooms speak his tongue; all his thoughts and musings intricately carved on wooden frames which are put up on his walls. My eyes rest on his face which looks even more beautiful while he sleeps so peacefully and I sit down on the chair by his bedside picking up his psychiatric report. My parents and the society think that there is something wrong with my baby brother's brain which is why he has to go visit his psychologist and also his speech therapist every week. The doctors call it an anomaly, the society calls it an abnormality; I prefer to call it sheer awesomeness. I don't see what the fuss is all about though; so he doesn't know his multiplication tables and he has a bit of a trouble getting the words out - big deal!! All these weekly appointments aren't doing him any good anyway. 

After going through the report for like 5 minutes, I realized that they were still clueless so I put it back on his desk and got up to leave. However, a hand tugged on my t-shirt and I turned around to find him returning from his dreamland. "Dada," he says softly. Oh how my heart skips a beat every time he says that!! I wait patiently as he tries to say what's going on in his mind. I am the only one with whom he actually talks and sometimes it takes me a while to understand what he is trying to say but I am getting better every single day. So, it doesn't take me much time to figure out that he wants to go to the movies. "Sure, you lil bunny!! We'll go to the movies tomorrow. Make up your mind about which one you wanna see and I'll take a day off work," I winked. His eyes rest on the report I had put on his desk and seeing the confusion clouding his face makes me wanna shred the piece of paper into pieces. Instead, I plant a kiss on his forehead and whisper, "You listen to Dada very carefully and always keep this in mind; there's nothing wrong with you and anyone who thinks otherwise should come see your room and all these walls. People don't like what they don't understand so it's their problem not yours. Okay??" He tickled me in response; he does that when he's really happy and we laughed and talked till he was sleepy again.

The next morning we were all set to have a fun day together when I received a message from my office saying that they needed me to sign some papers. "It wouldn't take more than an hour I promise," I told him after I decided to take him along with me. After reaching there I showed him to the play room and pointed to all the books they had which he seemed to love. Some of the parents took their kids out after seeing him and I pretended not to be bothered by that. I gave him a peck on the cheek before leaving him but when I returned I was awestruck. He had remodeled the doll house we had put on display and the remodeling rendered every person in my office speechless. The dolls were shifted to the offices and the male figurines had been placed in the kitchen, ballet shoes were lying in the boy's room and roller skates in the girl's, the girl's room was no longer pink and the boy's room no longer blue, action figures were all over her bed and figure skaters on his . The icing on the cake was his note tucked on the front door - "Intolerant people are not very welcome."

My boss probably wouldn't be too happy to see the only thing made by his daughter ruined by an 8 year old kid but that didn't seem to matter. I was so full of joy and pride that I ran over to him, picked him up and showed him the dumbstruck faces of all those people who had been coming in to see what the fuss was about. I spoke in a low voice so only he could hear, "You see, this is what I have been meaning to tell you. The way your mind moves in a direction always against the flow is beyond their understanding and so they call your awesomeness an abnormality. I, on the other hand, believe that being normal is too mainstream, so you seem perfectly fine to me." 

I held up my hand and waited for him to give me a hi-fi and then off we went and when he smiled his lil bunny smile, I could feel nothing but glad for the way he was - different.

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Little Things...

Long walks in the park with no one in particular but herself and her music had now become her routine. Sometimes, she used to lay down with her back against the cool grass and the wind would play with her hair and she would do nothing but look at the stars. It was impossible for her to answer the question shot at her many a times, "What is the deal with you and stars?" and although science had been her major in college, she refused to accept that something so beautiful is just another 'celestial object' as they call it.

So like any other day, she was lying on the grass doing her own thing when her 'pass-a-smile' friend came and lay down next to her. 'Pass-a-smile' friend was what she used to call him because she didn't know his name or him for that matter. Everyday when she entered the park, before going back to doing nothing, her eyes would search for that familiar smile of his and that was the extent of their conversation. However, that cute smile from a stranger would make her forget everything for a while. 

"Why do you look at the stars every single night? I can see that it makes you happy in some strange sort of way, but I was just wondering if there is some particular reason", the words collided with her eardrums and her brain processed the question that had just been voiced by a person who doesn't even have a name for her till now. "Well, everyone has something that makes them happy for no other reason but the sheer fact that it does. So, what is it that makes your heart do a lil dance?", a question for an answer seemed nice to her. He said nothing for a while so she figured that he might be formulating something poetic but she had definitely not expected "Little things". "No kidding!! that's the same thing as mine", she exclaimed with a gleam in her eye. He turned his head to face her, got up on his elbow and rested his head on his palm. She however did no such thing to change her line of sight. "I am waiting", the voice gave her a tiny nudge. She was contemplating a bit, waiting for her brain and her heart to decide if she wanted to share her little things with him and when the two gave a green light she picked off, "For me, happiness isn't just one little thing, it is millions of them; like the time your favorite person agrees to come to that movie with you not because he likes it but because you insisted or when you get home and talk to your friend about the shade of nail paint from the fault in our stars or when she calls you muffin and your lips automatically form a curvy smile or teasing the silly person in your life about how he can't scold and laughing when he tries to or when your brother asks you if you want to go someplace nice to eat or when your mom is happy to see that you finished your entire lunch or having pani puri with your sister and the list goes on.."

"Don't you think all these little things of yours are a teeny bit overrated??", he searched her eyes with a questioning look.
"Oh!! I believe that people have underrated happiness since the very beginning. If only we would invest more time in ignoring the things we have overrated and start appreciating the little things that have been underrated, life would be a whole lot simpler.", she winked at him and got up to leave.

However before leaving the two of them exchanged numbers and somewhere, underneath the sky, while talking about all the little things, a new friendship was born. She reached home and his mobile beeped. "Message from stranger", the notification read. "Don't you think happiness is a bit underrated?", he grinned at the screen and typed "Aye aye stranger" and hit send. And with this there was a new entry in her bucket of little things...."Talking to 'stranger'".

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Paradise

When imagination finds the right words, magic is bound to happen. Looking at the clear night sky, she used to wonder, "Who is to say they're not winking at us?" Yes, she was positive that if she said this out loud people would call her a weirdo but that didn't matter 'cause in her opinion being normal was way too overrated. So one fine night she wished to play in a field of her own choice, paradise she would call it. 

Poetry was never her forte, but as they say there's always a first time to everything. Her thoughts collided with her words and well, you gotta read the rest....; ) 

When the entire world is tucked in their beds so warm, 

She prefers talking to stars, the breeze tickling her arm.

"Oh c’mon, let's play", she urges to the sky full of stars,

"Aright then, let’s”, one of them landed in her balcony, breaking the cloudy bars. 

“Not here”, she exclaimed, “I want to come up there and say hi to the moon,”

“Well, hop on sweetheart”, said he,"Your wish is gonna come true very soon”.

On their way up a few of his friends waved and winked, 

If it wasn’t for his lightning speed, she wouldn’t have lost them the moment she blinked.

Everything around her was a shade of black or a hue of blue, 

“How do your friends know me??” she asked him, given that she had no clue. 

“My dear,” he answered, “not many people wave and smile at us every single night,

You're are disappointed when it's cloudy and stay longer when the sky is bright.”

“Who's the pretty young lady”, the moon voiced as she looked into her eyes,

 “She is”, he beamed, “my angel who has come to visit her paradise.”

She talked and laughed and giggled with the moon for what seemed like an entire lifetime, 

“Don’t leave without meeting us li’l angel”, she heard the other stars chime.

She hopped back again and every single one of them was already in love with their new friend,

"I don't want to go home", a tear escaped her eyes as the night was about to come to an end.

“Trust me baby,” he wiped her cheeks before continuing, “next time will be better than tonight, 

However, now is the time when you bid adieu to all your friends and say good night.”

Tugging her into bed, he took her to a land where they only sang her favorite lullaby,

 When she was lost in another paradise; he leaned in and kissed her a good bye.

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The letter to an imaginary person

After returning from a long and exhausting day at work all she wanted to do was sit in her balcony with a cup of coffee and her copy of Harry Potter. She never brewed her own coffee; firstly because she was too lazy to do so and secondly, the cafe downstairs had the best coffee. She had bought her cup on her way up to her apartment and now she just had to get her copy of Harry Potter and she was all set for the evening. She went to her balcony and opened the book and saw a folded paper covering the title page. She had totally forgotten about her silly habit of writing letters to this imaginary person and then keeping it in her books.

She unfolded the paper and surprisingly this was the one with a heading, "Happiness is underrated". Yes, she had no doubt that a heading so cliched could've been thought of by her. She failed in putting a picture to the date that was staring at her face. "My thoughts, that too with a heading. This had to be something that meant a lot, at least then, if not now." She read a few lines in her own scribbled handwriting and she didn't have to read much longer to recollect the reason for her happiness. Obviously she was happy for him. However, her thoughts were a bit too messy, as if playing skipping stones. She went on reading a lil further. "Is it even possible to feel so many things all at the same time. I always knew he was a bit too special for me, like I had done something right in all the wrongs I usually did to deserve him. But I had no idea I was capable of going into a fit of happiness for a whole other person. These kind of feelings were usually reserved just for me or my sister or my family. Well, you get the gist right? I never had a friend so close for whom I could've possibly felt so selflessly happy." There was a lot more but she just couldn't go on. Her eyes were moist; she was 30 and her emotions were still not in her control. She missed their crazy chats and endless arguments and totally hilarious inside jokes which only they could get. People used to say, time and distance change most of the things in our lives. She was glad that they were immune to this so called philosophy.

She needed to see him, right now. So she picked up her phone and dialed his number. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at his caller tune. When he answered, instead of saying a nice and warm hello, she blurted out, "Seriously dude, Jesse Pinkman is old school." His laughter filled her ears and then he mimicked her voice, "Seriously dude, this is cool stuff which is beyond your understanding." She wanted to say something really sarcastic but nothing popped up, so she said, "Anyways, I had called to ask if you're up for a dinner date tonight?" She knew he wouldn't refuse but she had this habit of asking. "Yo, cool." She was about to hangup after they had decided the time and place but she couldn't help herself and said,"You know, after all these years, you still can't pull off that Yo." As always, he had no words but these, "Oh,what do you know."

They met over dinner and laughed their hearts out, pulling each other's leg. he belonged to the category of people you can call home and he felt the same for her. "Whoever said you need to be dating to go on a dinner date??", she wondered, for this, right here, right now was the best dinner date she'd ever gone out for.

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Her Edward, his Bella

Of the many places she used to hangout at, the library was her favorite spot; 'My library', she used to call that place and of all the people she had met, the one person she had fallen in love with was "Edward". So there she was, her nose immersed in her copy of "Twilight". Completely lost in it, she did not bother to meet the person's gaze who probably wanted to ask if he could sit next to her. Even though the screeching of the chair irritated her in the teeniest bit, she chose to ignore it all the same. Now, the one thing which she hated more than anything else was being interrupted when she was reading, so it was natural for her to be annoyed when the voice next to her asked, "Is it normal for you to be so blissfully engrossed in your books or is this one special?" Undeterred by her not-so-polite response, which was something along the line of her not talking to strangers, he continued, "Oh, I can fix the stranger part for now. Hi, I am Edward." "Wait, did he say Edward?", her brain was processing the information it had just received and in the split second during which her eyes left her book, she ended up staring at the most beautiful face she had only ever read of in novels. When she was searching her entire vocabulary for words, he showed his toothy grin and added, "And you must be Bella." She thought of herself as a very stupid person for having fallen into such a trap but then again it was not everyday that she met a person named Edward. Torn between being furious at the stranger for his audacity and being mesmerized by the sheer beauty of his smile, the words escaped her mouth before she could take them back, "I so don't want to be a Bella if a person like you is Edward for Edward is so much more than his looks."She expected him to be hurt or angry or anything but proud after hearing this, as he was playfully adjusting his hair like they did in the movies and when she gave him a quizzical glare, he explained, "What?? You just said I look as good as Edward, that has got to mean something,right?" Shutting her book up, she began shoving her things in her bag and her lips were babbling simultaneously, "Is this flirtatious behaviour of yours the same for all girls or is it just me?" He rested his chin on the tip of his fingers and pouted his lips as if thinking something and finally said, "Listen, I didn't mean to be a total jerk and I am really sorry if you thought so. It's just that I saw you the other day, eyes focused on the pale pages, laughing with yourself and somehow you seemed to me from a whole other universe. It's like you have this own lil playground of yours and you don't mind playing alone. And no this 'flirtatious' behaviour is not the same for all girls because I don't think you belong to the category of 'all girls'." He must be expecting some kind of response but when he did not get any, he got up to leave; however he was interrupted by an I.... He turned around and she was fiddling with the zipper of her bag, after waiting for a while he heard the words, "I don't even know your name." 

"Well, that was a second date kind of revelation," he grinned. She widened her eyes and almost shrieked, "This wasn't even a real date let alone first." He looked into her eyes and said, "Then let's", and continued to answer her questioning look,"go on a real date." Of all the times in her entire lifetime, this was the moment when her cheeks decided to change their color to a ridiculous shade of pink. He laughed his boyish laugh and asked, "So,tomorrow 5-ish?" She looked down and even though she chose to speak in totally inaudible range, he could make out her lips form a yes. 

The next day, at 5-ish, eyes met and words collided. She did not know if it was possible for her to fall for a guy she had just met or if he could be her Edward and she his Bella but she sure could picture him in her own lil playground. "Don't do anything stupid to scare her off and stop grinning and drive." the voice in his head said and so off they went on a journey, which would land them somewhere and somehow they weren't even afraid of not knowing the where part. 

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Her irreplaceable and angelic constants..

She was walking around in her study, going through her books and thinking of what to read next when her eyes fell on her favorite one, the book they had gifted to her on her 21st birthday. She glanced at the wall clock and realized that it was just an hour before she would enter into the 25th year of her messy yet beautiful life. She inhaled the sweet scent of the pages, she had always loved to do that, and opened the book. The title page had his writing, "True friends are never apart, maybe in distance - but not in heart." Maybe her younger version would have found it as a bit of an overstatement, she was not the one to believe in eternities and forever, however that changed. Of the gazillion things that had changed in her life, some for the better and some for the worse, the two of them had been her only constants, the people who had stood by her side as solid as a rock on all the dull and bright days, the people who taught her the meaning of friendship, the people who came into her life unknowingly and became an integral part of it...

All the moments they had spent together were dancing in front of her eyes and her laugh echoed in the study, a childish laugh and it was as if the books were all laughing along with her. If it was possible to love someone and hate them at the same time, they were the first people on that list. They were the nicest friends one could ever dream of having but also the biggest jerks she had ever met. The people who couldn't help but get on her nerves at times and wouldn't stop until she would cry, a thing which somehow they found funny. They had the audacity to reply with a "K" when she was furious and threatened not to talk to them, forever. Yes, she was a bit of a drama queen that ways, stretching issues that had no base, getting mad at stuff which no one could help and screaming like a banshee for no apparent reason. People had to be very patient to be with her, she tended to be difficult at times but somehow it had never been a problem for the two of them. Days of not talking to each other and a plain old "Wassup" would get the wheel rolling. Words like 'awkwardness', 'complicated', 'weird' didn't exist for them, they were one of a kind. Every girl wishes for a perfect boyfriend who would pamper her like they say in the novels and here she was, wishing that the two of her best friends would be with her till the world ends. She remembered all the times when she wanted to meet but they couldn't because of something or the other and she would be breathing fire but they won't even care to apologize. Standing there in the middle of the room, she couldn't help but smile like an idiot, for being so unreasonable most of the times. Endless talks about Sherlock and FRIENDS and Dexter and Breaking Bad & countless hours of studying together which involved less of studying and more of chitter chatter & countless arguments...God, how she missed them and wanted to go out on a drive at this hour of the night!!!

One present, Four lines and a door was opened to the lane to which she didn't see an end. If it hadn't been for their phone call, she wouldn't have realized that she had turned 25. "Happy Birthday...!!", they screamed but she was so overwhelmed that she was a minute late in responding. "You were crying,weren't you??", they asked together. "I was so not", she retaliated and this was the perfect beginning of her birthday, for in her ever changing life with lil bit of ups and quite a few downs, they were her only irreplaceable and angelic constants...

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Dreams don't scare us, fear of the unknown does...

Dear Diary,

                   Do all people have those massive dreams that scare the hell out of them or is it just me??

Some days I feel like my head is going to explode just by thinking about this stuff and then I feel like isolating myself from everyone and everything and take off somewhere and take a break from this freakishly competitive world. It's probably not the dream that shakes the ground under my feet but the fear of failing, the fear of the unknown. There is a sea out there, where I am thinking of taking my tiny lil boat, what if the boat is unable to handle the tides, what if it doesn't reach the shore or worse what if I don't have it in me to take it in the water. I have never been so unsure in my entire life as I am now with so many images popping up in my head, why couldn't things be simpler like when we were kids, when the only thing we had to worry about was the homework to be submitted the next day. We don't realize we have grown up until it's time to step in the real world, the world where you need to be fast to survive, the world where you lose the race if you pause for a moment or at least that's what has been taught to us. However, I ponder over this sometimes, what if we don't want to go at the pace of this stereotypical world but set our own pace. You see the ladder which you need to climb to reach up to your dream but it's gonna take a lil more time, how is it so wrong to take off a bit of your own time to do what you wish to ??

There was a time when I used to get lost in my own thoughts, lil did I know that there would come a time when these thoughts would refuse to stay at bay. This is the reason that I obsess over the word Pandemonium, I just wish it would be more beautiful.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope that all the stuff that I dream about like going off on a tour of the European continent and owning my own tiny apartments in a lot many cities so I can take off whenever I feel like and owning a turquoise blue vintage car even though I know I am never gonna learn driving and making my dad so proud that he would boast about having me as a daughter, well, he still does that sometimes but I wish for it anyway... I don't dream of a picture perfect life, perfect is way too overrated, perfect is monotonous, I just want a life that is a result of my choices, it doesn't matter whether they are good or bad as long as they are mine...

*********************************************************

Putting the diary in her lap, she looked up at the sky, admiring the view of the setting sun from her patio. She couldn't help but feel a lil silly at the thoughts of her 20-year-old self. Life had taught her a lot many things, some came to her the easier way and for some she had to give up her sleep, however, the most important thing that she had learnt was that time and life both had a pretty funny way of working which was beyond our understanding. She was living a life she had always dreamt of, in her pretty lil apartment with the vintage car parked in her garage and the fact that she could drive it was the icing on the cake..It was getting dark so she figured it was best to get inside, she switched on the lights after stepping into the apartment, the walls of which had quotes written all over them, her favorite one being, "Ten years from now make sure you can say that you chose your life, you didn't settle for it" and the reason for it being her favorite was standing right in front of her eyes..

She had chosen her life when she could have easily settled...

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And... her choice won!!

Picking up the key from under the flowerpot she opened the door to her apartment. She switched on the lights and lied down on the recliner, thinking about how her mom used to greet her with a hot cup of coffee when she returned from her tuition classes. Things were different now; she had always tried to be the perfect daughter for her parents but everything changed when she decided to make a choice for herself. The day was etched into her memory and no matter how much she tried she couldn't help but feel a little guilty and angry at same time.

It was her final year of college and she was buried under the pressure of her parent's expectations of getting straight A's in all the subjects. It wasn't like they asked her to but she could clearly see it  in their eyes. After a lot of deliberation and persuasion, she had made a choice of choosing Science as her major, for her parents. She was pretty sure that she could do it, 4 years of studying and a job after that. It all seemed simple to her then. So she gave up the thought of opting for literature, the subject where her heart lied and decided to make her parents happy, again. But she could not resist the temptation to read or to write whenever she got a chance. When under a lot of stress, she used to take out her favorite novel and get lost in her own world or take out her diary and pour her heart out, this was what kept her going. This and the fact that she was the chief editor of her college magazine. It was like she was living two lives, one which made her parents happy and other that made her happy. Then one day her phone buzzed and the call changed her life in a way she could've never imagined.

"Hello?", she answered. 

"Hello, I am calling you on the behalf of the The Night Owl. We read some of the articles you had sent to us last week and our editor-in-chief was dumbstruck reading those. He asked me to call you to see if you'd be interested in an internship and also, he'd like to meet you even if you're not", the voice on the other side said.

She had gotten so much on her mind lately that she had forgotten all about the articles, they were just random stuff and the only reason she had e-mailed them was that she was pretty sure she won't be selected no matter how much she wanted to be. Too many thoughts clouded her brain, what would she tell her parents, what if they didn't agree and the final one scared her - what if she never gets an opportunity like this.

It was when the speaker buzzed, "Hello, are you there??", did she realize that she had to make a choice, that too now. Without thinking about the what ifs she replied, "Yes, thank you very much. I would love to work with you."

That was the night when after a heated argument with her mom, she left the house not knowing where to go and what to do next. She called up the magazine to let them know that it wasn't possible for her to join indeed. Little did she know that the universe was with her, the magazine had liked her work so much that they were not willing to let her go for a reason so silly as this, so they offered her a paid internship and a small yet cozy room to stay until she figured out the rest.

6 months of internship and 2 years of dedication to the magazine, now she has her own column up and running in the magazine. She was an independent girl of 22, had a job which paid her to do what she had always dreamed of and she had her own apartment, not too huge but hers. She knew she had made the correct choice yet she hadn't dared to call up her parents after that night.

She was brought back to the present when she got a message. She unlocked her phone and the notification read, "One unread message from Pa." She was so overwhelmed that she was a minute late in reading it, however when she did it said, "I am proud to be your Pa."

 A tear escaped her eyes, she had so much to say but all she could type was, "Love you tons, Pa."

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Nostalgia

"It would have been fun if he was here with us...", while saying this to my sister, it struck me like lightning that things have changed after all. Going down the memory lane and thinking about all the crazy times I've had with them always puts a smile up on my face. Siblings - the people that you grow up with, the people you get so used to that you can not imagine getting out of your bed without seeing their face, the people with whom you fight like monsters but still never forget to share the last piece of chocolate with them or the people who sometimes get you pissed just by their mere existence. I never quite got the hang of being raised alone, the obvious reason being that they were always around.

You know how we always wish that someone would love us for the way we are, without any freaking changes, without complaining about your arrogance or idioticity or immaturity. Well, they do and we don't even realize it until one day when we are left only with the memories of the laughter and insanity. Since we went to same school, lived in the same city - within walking distance and celebrated all the festivals together, I always thought that's how it's gonna be forever. Little did I know that we would grow up and would have to think of stepping out in the real world and make decisions we never thought of making...I remember the day like it was yesterday when we couldn't find our brother anywhere in the house and panicked and searched almost the entire neighbourhood only to find him playing under the water tap in the backyard or his first day in school when he had cried his eyes out because his bubble of being in the same class as me had burst as I stepped out of the school van, leaving him behind or the time when I had fought with my sister coz I thought she had cheated in the game of ludo or the time when I used to throw the entire board of picnic game because I was too frustrated waiting for the six on their dice..Even today we laugh so hard at those little things....It had never occurred to me that those little things would take up so much room in my heart...

Yes, there have been times when they get on my nerves to an extent that I wish to throw them off a cliff but that's beauty of it all. You can not live with them peacefully nor can you live without them. I couldn't help but laugh when they get an earful from mum n dad. They can hit you in your face and you'd hit them back and you don't need a sorry to end the fight. A day of not talking to each other speaks for itself and then you bounce back to being normal and find other ways of ripping their head off. And the fun lies in not being the same at all. It's like north and south poles of the earth, like if you say day they'd say night and if you say black they'd say white. Each one has got such a weird sense of humour that others would call them retards but you understand it no matter what. They are the people who used to laugh like hippies when i cried over broken hair clips or freak out on not finding a book and I still would't mind. They were my first friends and will remain so forever. Life teaches you a lot many things in a lot many ways but they taught me to let things go, that not everyone you meet is not necessarily a carbon copy of yours and it's okay, you can still be the best of friends, that distance is not the problem if it's not in your hearts and most importantly, they made me realize that we all are extraordinary in our own lil ordinary way.

Then, one day we all got scattered, in different parts of the world figuring out what to do with our life. There were times when every single day was spent together and now we can do nothing but anticipate the day when we'd have a day out of our busy schedule. I guess we take a lot of things in life for granted..it's only later that we realize that of all the things that we fuss about, those lil things would be the ones that would make us nostalgic...

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The Dream

It was one of those days when you don't want to do anything but just sit in the balcony with a couple of blankets, feel the breeze as it brushes your face, look at the stars and listen to good music. Yeah, I do that quite often and trust me, it helps you forget about everything for a lil while and enter a world that's entirely your own. However, sometimes it so happens that amidst all this music and the breeze and the stars your eyes begin to close and you are not there anymore. You are soaring to a completely different universe where nothing could ever go wrong.

I didn't realize when I had dozed off. It was like, one moment I was enjoying the beauty of the stars and the next I was in a place which is probably the closest to a paradise I've ever been. The music still was playing loud enough only for me to hear. It was like a park for children the only difference being that it was angelic and transcendent. There were only a few children for such a majestic place. In fact, by the time I sat down on a bench there was just a lil girl playing with a cute puppy with black & white spots. After playing with the dog for what seemed like forever, she got tired and went to the water pipe. The sun rays were dancing on her hair which made it difficult for me to take a look at her face. It was not until she was done drinking water and going to the swing that I noticed something. I don't know how it could be true but the lil girl with fairy hair was me, just 12-13 years younger.

I guess I was staring at her too hard..she came to sit next to me. I was out of words but before I could come up with something, she decided to break the silence by saying, "You look pretty". I had never thought that a kid calling me pretty could flatter me so much. I was smiling when I answered, "Not more than you." That was the most I usually talk to unknown people but she was not a stranger to me so the words left my mouth before I knew, "So, which school do you go to?" One look at her face told me that this was a concept she was not familiar with. Maybe, they don't have schools here. Without answering, she shot another question, "Are you worried about something?? You look like you are." Now, that was a question I had been asked a lot of times but I did answer, "Not exactly. A lot of stuff goes on in my mind at same time. You won't understand. It's too complicated." She frowned like she was thinking hard of a solution and clapped her hands together like she had just made an unbelievable discovery and said, "Why don't you stay the night and then when we see a shooting star you can make a wish." I couldn't help but laugh, when she didn't seem to get it I explained, "Honey, there are no shooting stars. It's all science. You'll understand when you grow up." Utter shock crossed her face, I could tell she was furious but I had no clue why. I was saved the trouble for she exclaimed, "How can you not believe in shooting stars!!!" Now, as patient as I am, I was not up for explaining the concept of science to her when she wasn't even familiar with a school. "I am imagining all this, ain't I?? You're not real. This place isn't real", I pointed.She gave up asking questions and started saying things which were obvious according to her. She just wanted me to understand. "What a sad life you must lead!! You're afraid to accept that something so beautiful can indeed be real. You don't think that shooting stars exist which means you don't believe in magic. Why is a lot of stuff going on in your head at the same time complicated?? They are your thoughts, aren't they?? Why do you want to run away from them??" I am pretty sure she was gonna deliver a whole speech had I not interrupted, "We''ll meet after 10 years and I'll ask you the same questions and we'll see how you answer." She was bewildered at the interruption and stood up, like she was gonna take off. However before turning her back on me she did say, "I know what I am gonna wish for tonight. Never grow up."

This simple yet innocent wish had me in tears. I wanted to wait there, play with her-with myself, but someone was pulling me off my chair. It was my mom, "Get inside, it's freezing out here." I was furious at her for ruining the perfect dream so I stomped to my room without another glance at her. I tried to shut my eyes hard, wishing silently that the lil girl would come back. But she did not. The next morning while getting dressed, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and it struck me like lightning. It was weird but still made perfect sense. The lil girl had never left. She had been with me all along, silent but there. She is an intrinsic part of me, the one that believes in magic and shooting stars. It was this dream, that made me realize that it's okay to have tons of wishes which may seem unreal to people, that it's not foolish to believe in magic, that not everything is taught in schools, that things are only as complicated as you want them to be and that maybe growing up and growing old are not the same things after all.....

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Today, tomorrow & forever

Wasting no time in putting my stuff in the right place, I opened my window and stepped out in the balcony. Finally, after a tedious week,the much anticipated weekend was here, when he would come home. The lights in his room were still off, so I decided to lie down for a while, till he returns from his hostel.As always, I was eagerly waiting for him, to tell him how much I miss him and his 'full 'smile when he is away and how I hate the fact that our colleges were not close-by.We have been together, initially as friends & then a lil more than that, for the past 7 years, since I moved in to an entirely new place. You know how you just click with some people...he was one of the few. He lives next door and the fact that his balcony is just a couple of inches from mine is the cherry on the cake. So he jumps in when everything is quite and calm and peaceful and we talk for hours, sometimes just lie on our backs appreciating the sky, so full of stars. I don't know how it happened, when it happened but in the midst of all the silly talks and laughs, we had fallen in love. I remember the walk like it was yesterday..

We were lying down, watching the stars when he said, "Let's go for a walk.." I was a bit taken aback but agreed nevertheless. It was a perfect  night, when it's cold but not too cold to go out for a stroll. Everything was peaceful, just the way we liked it. He broke the silence by pointing at the park, "Remember that park??" I laughed, "Oh, how can I forget..you pushed me on the swing so hard that I fell down and didn't talk to you for an entire hour." He looked into my eyes this time, "Trust me, the silence was deafening.." we were not walking anymore, just standing in the middle of the street and he took my hands into his. Somewhere deep down, I knew what he was gonna say but I let him continue because I had been dying to hear it. "Listen", he began, "I've been meaning to tell you something. I know how you don't believe in love and how you think that no one's ever gonna fall for you..well, you cannot be more wrong, for I've fallen in love with you". I opened my mouth to speak but he shushed me and continued, "There is no other person with whom I'd imagine to spend my life with. My life would be meaningless without the sound of your laughter or the cheesy quotes from your crazy novels. You are just adorable when you say stuff that is childish and mature at the same time. You cry at the stupidest things one can ever imagine and I want to be there for you, to wipe off all the tears, no matter how stupid the reason was. I love the way you don't care how you look or talk or laugh or smile when you're with me..I love it even more when you can't dance but still try to because I insist and believe me or not, you are the only person I want to dance all my dances with..You think that people don't like your messy hair or the gap in your teeth but I love them, like you would be incomplete without them. I know you would consider all this idiotic but I promise to love you today, tomorrow and forever."

He caught a tear rolling down my cheek and smiled, "I can't promise to introduce you to Maroon 5 or Coldplay though." At this, I laughed and cried at the same time but said nothing. This was a lot to take into. The day I'd been dreaming about was here and all I could say was, "We should probably go home..It's getting late." He wanted to say something but looked at me instead and nodded. The walk to our home was silent but not at all awkward. I was lost in my thoughts and he was okay with it, which I liked about him a lot. We had reached his doorstep. He was just about to step inside when I held his hand and said, "Yes, I don't believe in love but that was because I never thought you would fall for me, and for me, no one else but you, was worth falling for..I have never anticipated the weekends as I do now, because that's the only time that I get to see you.You are the best thing that ever happened to me 'coz I don't have to put up a mask when I'm with you, I can be "me" and you find it completely normal. And everything you just said is the opposite of idiotic..You've got no clue as to how long I've been waiting for this moment." He was either surprised or shocked or both but showed me his full smile, the one that I loved when I whispered, "Yes, I love you to the moon and back, Today.Tomorrow. Forever."

He called my name and broke my trance and I rushed to the balcony to see him. "Whoa.." he took me in his arms and said, "Someone has been missing me." I didn't say anything but hugged him back tightly. "Wanna go for a walk?", he whispered in my ear. I looked up at him, and sure enough, he was grinning. I smiled and buried my face into his chest.His scent was so exhilarating that I could barely get the words out of my mouth  but somehow managed to say, "Only if it's with you..."

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